Taking my own advice...getting down to the business of looking up

It is tough sometimes to practice what you preach...I mean, for me to practice what I preach.  One of my favorite April's Upwords is "it is impossible to feel down when you are being grateful".  Well, I'd better get to gettin'.  The past week, after pumping things up to not seem so bad, I've let the energy slump, which makes a new adjustment all the more difficult.  The act of writing this blog is a step in the right direction, I just need to spell things out and make the choice to let things beat us...or not.  I choose not.

We just moved into a new place, as a result of a downsizing brought about by the loss of my business a year and a half ago.  When I say downsizing, I mean DOWNSIZING. I've been pretty open about the move, trying to put 3000 square feet of stuff into an 1100 foot condo, which we rent.  We had to leave an acre of woods and privacy to land in a shared backyard and shared common wall throughout the house.

Tonight when I attempted to prepare a meal in the new "micro kitchen", I just lost it.  It was like, "how in the hell am I supposed to cook for my family in this kitchen? Without adequate counter space, no island, no working vent above the stove, trips to the garage to get cookware that won't fit in cupboards for Pete's sake? How am I going to cook meal after meal in this mouse hole?"  I served my family and then ran off to cry in the micro bathroom so they couldn't see. But this is where it gets better...

You see, I don't like to feel so sad that I cry (who does?) And I know...absolutely know...that when I feel this negative, I am only inviting more negativity.  If I'm down, those around me will be down and suddenly the rosy picture I've painted for my children gets flushed in a downward spiral, the energy in the house depleted and depressed.

Well, if you know me (and many of you do), you know there is no way I am going to let that happen. So the tearfest in the bathroom became a pep-talk, and I got down to the business of looking up.

• First of all, I am thankful this rental is in our school district, that my kids will return to familiar faces and hallways in September.  

•  It may be small, but we all have our own bedrooms, our own spaces to just "be".  Could have had to put the "third grader" stuff with the "teenager" stuff...didn't have to (which means I didn't have to deal with the attitudes either). 

• My office may be in the basement along with the washer and dryer, but I can already feel my glutes hardening and my heart rate conditioning as I climb and descend countless stairs (each load of laundry is 26 stairs up and 26 back down..and I do a LOT of laundry).  Who needs a Nautilus?

•  We are within walking distance of almost everything in town, especially downtown activities and festivals.  We are close to parks, neighbors and local hangouts. I feel safer close to the Police and Fire Depts. This is something we never had while living out in the sticks.

And there are countless other things...better water pressure, sidewalks for kid's bike rides, pizza delivery service...lol.

More than anything are the things we don't see.  How lucky are we that we are still a happy family? Imagine how many people are downsizing because their families broke apart. How lucky are we that we all get along?  Imagine living in a small space with people you don't like.

And my crummy kitchen?  At least I have one and I have food to cook in it.  Way too many people don't.

There is no doubt that I will have more moments when I feel like I'm scraping the barrel.  It will be those times that I will reach for my keyboard.  Read my own words and express new ones.  Look at my kids who are smiling in their own bedrooms.  Take a deep breath as I walk to a nearby park.  Kiss my husband when he walks in the door.  And know that it is only going to get better.

For all of these things, and for what is to come I am grateful.  You see how that works?  I feel better already.